It says: “tell your story”,
but does anyone wants to read it?
To take a piece of message from the story itself?
But I will tell you, just in case.
Space. Outer space.
So beautiful,
so empty.
Have you ever met someone so attractive, intimidating, and whenever you see them — it feels like you would never, ever be able to be together with them?
Some men that I’ve met in my life always said that I am that person. They were afraid to even stare at me in the eyes for the first time. But if only I could be more honest to them on the first met that I am just an insecure girl. Problematic, lonely, pathetic girl who wish nothing but the time for her to kiss the sun is coming — rather than laughing and saying ‘thank you’.
If there’s a chance to rewind time, I would start with this:
I despise myself.
Seeing beautiful people makes me hate myself even more. I am like space — dark, with full of stars, and silence. Beautiful, but often not necessary. No gravity, no center to hold on to… like her personality.
The more people try to find out further about me, they just got lost, and then the sparks die from their eyes.
I stare at myself in the mirror every morning when I’m about to brush my teeth, wash my face, and brush my hair. Other than that, I would wait for a while, counting, until I start noticing every bit of my imperfections that appears. It could be only my thoughts, but sometimes it gets very evil. I feel like this person in front of me would never deserve a genuine love.
To cross paths on the street with so many people in my life makes me worried, anxious often. Giving them the empty stare and clenched jaw, hoping they would rather not talk to me. Daily activities, super boring but effective. It’s kind of difficult to accept new people and sometimes I got stuck with the same new old scenery this beautiful and twisted town have.
Jack of all trades, master of none.
A girl with so many abilities. But who can guess on the first time that she did all those just because she wants to forget everything from her past and be the new person that everyone thought is perfect?
I think that’s enough of me, I want to know you.
Have you ever fall in love?
Be honest about it. I would not tell.
Think about her, think about him. Their face, their voice, how they laugh, how they dressed, trace back your olfactory — how do they smell? Does it spark something inside you?
When I was writing this, I thought about you.
And it makes me thought that good thing ends fast, and so does this writing is about. I meant to say farewell — the final thoughts about my feelings to you.
There’s no new person in my head. You know how my brain works. It’s horrible and messy, there’s barely even space to think about myself.
It’s just you.
Unfortunately, the sun and the stars of my life losing it’s light for this lonely outer space.
It’s sad to foresee how it ends before we even begin anything again, after you left me confused for many times and asking me back about the pattern of my actions as my reaction.
Do you even love me?
I asked you that, and you said you do.
A pause, and I know it’s not really the same anymore.
The great sun and the moon in this lonely space.
Of course it will never meant to be, or the world would collide as the result.
In order for the moon to shine, the sun have to sacrifice itself to be gone for a half day,
And you did.
Half the world away from this fragile, small body
I am few Eve(s) away from the hold of your warm, pale hand.
Don’t be scared, this body of mine is not bothered by it anymore.
You long for something light — as your life is already tough as it is.
Every inch of my tar black soul would never compete.
Space, outer space.
So beautiful,
So empty.
*
The end.
